The memory of your suffering keeps me from sleeping, you not experiencing our accomplishments that you were behind keeps me from being torally experiencing. The torment of ICU keeps me from believing. I promised you we go on and that haunts me. I need to know your ok and all the coincidences since you've gone are really affirmations from you. Is there a heaven? Are you still my Mum and just not my Mum in my memory? Who do I ask and who has the answers? Do I just dust myself down and get on with life? Who has the answers? How do I move on without you? A promise to you that I would carry on with the boys were we left off does it mean anything? Clairvoyants, mirror gazing etc etc etc etc and still no cast iron beyond any doubts totally garaunteed affirmations your soul lives on? Have I missed something? Gary got his dream and so gas Max but would they of anyway? My gut instinct gave you 13 yrs but my instinct was shot this time, would it of made a difference? Would you still be here?i thought mind of matter would work but in truth mind shielding reality it was. I promised you